Meanwhile, let me take you on a little trip
inside the mind of a man to that place where he
processes the emotions of love so you can
understand what that means to him.
WHAT A MAN MEANS BY "IN LOVE"
I'm going to explain something to you about
men and love, and I'll try and keep it short. I'll
have to leave some big pieces out, but you'll get
what you need to know.
I'll start by giving you what I hope will be a
kind of shift in your perspective about men...
As much as men are different, when it comes
down to it, men are human. And because they're
human, they have more in common with women than
they have that makes them different.
Which means that men share many of the same
dreams, fears, frustrations and worries that you
do on a basic level.
One of the biggest fears that men have, as do
many women, is that they'll end up in a "loveless"
relationship that isn't about fulfillment or
passion and appreciation, but about entitlement,
obligation and where the two people in the
relationship are working kind of "against" each
other more often than supporting and loving each
other.
Now, with that said, men who spend a lot of
time with women often grow close and connected,
and they develop a more "familiar" type of love
as time goes on. This is a great kind of love to
feel and to share, and it's the kind that usually
takes months or years to develop.
It bonds a couple together in a very long term
"nesting" kind of way, as it's based on comfort
and predictability and stability.
On the other hand, men also experience another
kind of love that isn't based on the familiar and
the predictable. In fact, this "other" feeling of
love is actually based on things that are NEW and
UNPREDICTABLE.
And these are the qualities that I've
discovered make up that magic emotion called
ATTRACTION.
WHAT KEEPS ATTRACTION ALIVE
Have you ever been in a relationship with a
man where he started out doing all kinds of
things to surprise you, show you his
appreciation, and come up with new things for
you both to do together?
And what happened when you no longer felt this
excitement that came with surprises and the
unexpected things he did that drove you wild?
Well, you might have felt as though something
had broken down in the relationship somewhere, or
that the man had stopped making an effort or
caring as much.
In other words, you stopped feeling that kind
of love from him that used to drive you wild with
excitement to see him and be with him. And
without that, it felt like something was missing
or gone that needed to be there.
Unfortunately, no amount of asking or pleading
with a man to change back to the way he was ever
really works in this situation. And not only does
it hurt that he's changed, but you lose that great
connection and the attraction you were feeling
with him.
LOSING THAT LOVING FEELING
Know what I'm talking about? Ever experienced
this with a man?
I thought so.
Well, the reality is that men often
experience this same kind of thing with women.
See, when a relationship starts to get more
comfortable, more predictable, and has more
routines in it, the kind of intense passion that
a man once felt can sometimes "fizzle out."
Of course, what fizzles out isn't just about
sex and physical attraction... I'm talking about
what I call "emotional attraction."
THE ONE FEELING THAT MAKES HIM FALL IN LOVE...
AND STAY IN LOVE
Emotional attraction is the thing that gets a
man to open up, to share his feelings and connect
with a woman on a deeper level than he usually
allows in to his life. It's what BONDS a man to
one woman over the long term.
When a man says that he doesn't feel "in love"
with you anymore, what he's really saying is...
"I used to feel both physical and emotional
attraction with you. But the way our relationship
has been, I'm not feeling much, if any, of that
emotional attraction now. And because of that,
what I feel in my heart and my head tells me that
something is `off' in our relationship, and I
don't know what to do about it."
Now, if this doesn't sound "fair" and like a
man is removing himself from responsibility - I
get it. Should a man do more to get the
relationship back on track and reconnect the
relationship from his end?
Yes. He could and should.
But the REALITY is that in this situation,
the man is NOT doing this, and he either has no
idea what to do about it, or has decided that
things aren't working based on how he's feeling.
You can either choose to try and go against
the reality of what other people in your life
feel and experience (and have a very difficult
time with it)...
Or you can take a moment to simply accept the
situation as it is and CHOOSE what you want to do
about it - which puts you back in a positive and
grounded place of power in your life).
KEEPING EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION WORKING FOR YOU
If you're sensing that a man is feeling less
connected to you - or he has even told you he's
not "feeling it" anymore - here's how to turn
the situation around:
Step 1) Stop focusing on what's NOT WORKING.
What you focus your energy on is what you end
up seeing more of and getting more of. Instead of
focusing on what's NOT working, take some time to
access the positives of the your man and your
relationship, and make it a point to let your man
know that you appreciate these positive aspects.
Often times your hurt and anger will give you
narrow vision and prevent you from acknowledging
what's actually working in your relationship.
Widen the lens and look at the bigger picture
of your relationship. What's keeping you two
together? Bring your energy, awareness, and
appreciation there.
While this sounds simple and too airy-fairy to
create any real change, you'll be surprised at the
effect it will have. When you shift your attention
and your thought pattern and "energy", the man in
your life will feel the shift in you, and it will
catch his attention and inspire him to be more
present in the relationship with you.
Your thoughts have the power to create your
feelings. And your feelings have the power to
inspire your man to want to connect with you, or
want to pull away.
Step 2) Give yourself and him some "clear space".
When someone asks for or creates distance or
space, you can handle it one of two ways. You can
either resist it and try to grab on tighter, which
only backfires. Or you can allow the space, and
even take some space for yourself.
When you do this, something magical happens.
First, you feel empowered over the situation so
that your emotions do not overtake you. Second,
men often move past their own doubts and fears
in their own time when given space (a few hours
or days) to do so.
Step 3) Create attraction and re-connect
If things are stalling in your relationship
with a man but you used to feel very connected to
him, this is actually good news for you. That's
because you already have all the ingredients you
need to re-light the fire of the relationship.
If he was physically and emotionally
attracted to you before, you can inspire the same
level of closeness again.
Here's how...
Remember what I said before about attraction
and love happening for a man because of NEWNESS
and UNPREDICTABILITY?
Well, if things have fizzled out with a man
you had a close, connected relationship with, you
can jump start things by injecting new and
unpredictable things into how you relate with him.
So, if you normally have the same weekend
routine, mix it up. Come up with something
different and interesting to do.
Pick a sport that you can do with him, go out
and meet new people together, explore different
ways to be intimate together, plan a trip
somewhere you've always wanted to go to.
And if you are together all the time,
spending time apart as in step two creates
newness and unpredictability, too.
This was written by my professor! in my psychology/relationship class i found it helpful hope it does work for you..Am not all about relationship and Men i have more notes to come about everything you wish to read about..Still putting everything together!! stay blessed!!
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